You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
