Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
