WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
