The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize