mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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