he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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