I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
