we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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