ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
