he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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