i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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