If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
