he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you had me at cake vodka
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
