She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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