I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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