get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
