Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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