She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
