took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
