Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
