We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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