Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
