never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
