dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
