playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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