So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
