A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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