check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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