We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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