tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
