went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
