Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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