Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
