I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
