I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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