so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
