After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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