We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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