Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
