i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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