Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
