I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
