I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
