Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
