Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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