just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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