Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just had sex on a roof
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
