"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
