what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
