so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
