So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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