I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
