I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
