HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
