Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
