A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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