you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Still dying that you shit outside
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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