There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
