I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When are your genitals available?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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