READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
