woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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