Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
one might say we're banned from that church
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
