I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize