I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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