Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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