Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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