Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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