but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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