You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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