I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
