Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
