My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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