My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
