Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
