We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
